I have been here for half a century, but I feel like just getting started. Fifty years passed quickly. The time, that is probably a drop in the ocean of eternity, but for the average person very significant. This week, on the July 24, I am celebrating half a century. Half a century of wonderful moments, personal and business growth, overcoming limitations and also moments of sadness, anger and hopelessness.
Intuition takes me in to the past, to the time before I entered my mother’s womb. The scene was beautiful, and I felt so much love. Just before entering the womb, I saw a beautiful, young, and very much in love couple with a baby in a stroller. They were my father, mother and my slightly older brother. Their love was felt to te heavens. It just drew me in. It is the very reason why I came; for love, warmth and family. Joyfully and very naively.
THE BUBBLE BURST
Bliss did not last long. My bubble of love, of a family quickly bursted, as my parents divorced when I was still very young. The pain was great, because nothing made sense to me. However, at that time I knew nothing about the soul, the spirit, the meaning of this experience, about the fact that we choose our parents. No one in my environment was qualified to explain to me what happened and affected me so deeply.
Later, when I embarked on the path of intuitive living, I learned that without this experience, disappointment, pain and sadness, I would not have been able to recognise the love I found in the family I later created. I often remember this, especially in difficult moments when everyone gets on my nerves and when there is too much of everything. So I appreciate Tim, Tara and Marko even more (my son, daughter and husband).
In our culture, it is customary to celebrate turning 50 in a big way. I don’t celebrate myself. To be honest, I get a bit melancholic on my birthdays. For me, it is a time for reflection and a journey inside. A dark cloud on my jubilee this year is also marked by the first anniversary of my mother’s passing. The memory of a pain is still alive. How long does mourning last? How long does it take to accept that someone is gone?
I learned to accept my parents as they are, and this was one of the most important milestones in my growth and strengthening of my self-worth and inner strength. The transformation happened when I no longer felt inferior and like a small, dependent and needed of love little girl.
Every now and then, at this turning point in my life – 50 years – old and painful memories arise. I wonder if history will repeat itself? My mother lost everything, right after her big celebration of her half century. It happened due to the big deception of her husband at the time (not my biological father to be clear). He cheated on her in every way, both business and love. That’s where her downfall began, from which I don’t know if she ever recovered or not. My strong feeling is that she carried all this unresolved energy inside, until it manifested itself in lymphoma.
Yes, this painful history wants to come to the fore here and there. It is here, still present as a reminder that life is here for me! It is a reminder that I do not need to compromise at the expense of my well-being. And also to not leave my life to chance, overwhelm, toxic relationships, and lyes (to maintain a semblance of social status and safety), which at the time distanced my mother from important things and recognizing clear warning signals.
I AM NOT AFRAID
I am not afraid because I know that the power is in my hands and that the history of financial collapse and fraud will not be repeated. Flashes of images from that time still keep coming, and I know why. The forces of light and darkness are powerfull and reflect on our sensitive parts. Maybe this piece of my history, this sensitivity of mine, which energetically may still exist somewhere, can be detected.
That’s why I am especially carefully consolidating my spiritual practice these days. I am working on:
- anchoring myself in the now,
- in being fully present with my family,
- in gratitude,
- in doing nothing,
- in the present moment where all my strength is.
It is not easy because the past year was so challenging. As soon as I had taken a breather, new family health crisis began, demanding all my energy and attention. Health crises can quickly turn into psychological crisis, which were not acute, but were present with my loved ones.
Reducing the number of clients helped in still serving them at the highesT level. Yet, despite everything, I managed to deepen my knowledge this year and maintain the flow with new energies. We are not behind the current energy trends, I feel. Regardless of what is going on in the outside world, I am constantly in connection to the source and directed to the right information, teachers and knowledge. This is the advantage of working with intuition, which I myself will begin to teach even more deeply.
MY CAR IS A “MESSENGER” FROM HEAVEN
I started writing this blog the day my car sent me a message. It has been with me for 10 years, and I say it is alive because it always sends me messages through numbers. This time my Volvo’s message was that I am on the right path at the right time to serve humanity as directed by my soul. It was my dream car at the time and has served me well all these years. It sends me messages via the clock. It is suddenly moves. It’s been doing this for as long as I’ve had it. I bought a new one. I know it’s not a factory error, or an electronic error as one might think. The message this time was also: “The way ahead is clear for you to live your life as a positive example. A positive attitude towards making important life changes has brought you into direct alignment with your life mission. All unknowns receive answers at the right time.”
I read once that when Oprah was asked what advice she would give to her younger self, she described it in just one word – relax. I would give myself the same advice. I would have given my younger self so much wisdom, which for the most part, I already live today and still learning to live. But I know something. Every moment in which:
- I didn’t follow my intuition,
- when I made compromises at the expense of my well-being,
- when I wanted to fit in, be liked and please everyone,
led to learning an important life lessons that I could have avoided and progressed faster if I had followed myself.
Less is more, is also the message for the next 50 years. I will not celebrate my birthday in the traditional way. I like spontaneity, and maybe in the future I will do something spontaneous. This time however, I’m spending a nice vacation with my family, who, despite all the dynamic emotions of this last year, stand by my side, and I by them.
I love you, Timi, Tara and Marko, and I wouldn’t be where I am now without you. I am where I once dreamed of.
I also love all of you that I have worked with, flowing clients, difficult clients and everything in between, because also without you, I would not be where I am today; free, inspired and optimistic that we do have the scissors and the canvas of our lives in our hands. Because of you, I try to do better every day, too.
Now is the time to dream even bigger dreams…